Bloke's Cookbook - Cauliflower Cheese

Don't scroll away. Don't retch. I know. I felt the same way. It never occurred to me that cauliflower cheese could actually be edible.

Like me, you probably suffered at school at the hands of a ham-fisted food butcher who turned cauliflower cheese into the most revolting sludgy lumpen mess that ever oozed onto your plate. Frequently grey, sometimes yellow, this foul horror was a dining room staple at my school and was one of the reasons I lived on packed lunch cheese sandwiches for six years.

However, partly out of curiousity, partly out of a desire to silence the Wench who was complaining about too few vegetables in her diet, I decided, a couple of years ago, to try to cook a good cauliflower cheese. I tracked down a recipe and it was so good that I cook it once every couple of weeks.

One particularly handy aspect of this recipe is that it teaches you to prepare a roux. A roux is the base for a range of thickened sauces. You need flour and a fat or oil, stirred vigorously over a long period of time. The darker the roux, the longer the time it takes. This recipe is for a white roux and takes around 15 minutes to prepare (with practice). It's (apparently) the easiest kind of roux to make so it's a great way to learn.

A large cauliflower will serve three or four people, a smaller one will serve two.

Ingredients:

Butter (varies, but around 100g);
White flour (around 50g);
Milk (between half and a full pint);
Ground nutmeg;
Mustard powder;
Ground black pepper;
Single cream;
A strong cheese such as cheddar, grated;
A cauliflower.

Equipment:

1 large saucepan for cooking the cauliflower;
1 smaller saucepan for preparing the sauce;
1 serving dish;
1 baking tray;
1 wooden spoon.

First prepare the cauliflower. Using a sharp knife, cut away all the green leaves and the thick knot at the base of the cauliflower from which the leaves spring. Then, cut away the individual florets at the base, where they join the stem of the cauliflower.

Once you've cut the florets away, place them in the serving dish as though you're ready to serve up. This way, you can gauge how much cauliflower you'll need and avoid over or under-cooking. The dish should be a high-sided one and should ideally be fairly packed with cauliflower.

Once you've cut enough cauliflower, rinse the florets and then place them into your large saucepan. Pour water into the saucepan so that the florets are covered - although they'll float so you'll have to make your own mind up - then put some salt in the water to lower the boiling temperature. Put this on the hob now and start to boil it. It will need several minutes to reach boiling temperature, but do not let it overcook. To check this, stab the stem of a floret with a fork. If it's firm, that's fine. Boil for around five minutes. Then drain the water out and set the cauliflower aside.

If you overcook, you really should start again with the cauliflower - mushy cauliflower cheese is just rank.

Switch the oven on to around 170C. Now, on to the roux.

Take a lump of butter around an inch cubed. Put in your smaller saucepan, put the pan on the hob and turn on to the lowest setting. The butter needs to melt slowly. If it starts to sizzle or burn you'll ruin the flavour.

Once the butter's melted, turn the heat off, and add a heaped tablespoon of white flour. You don't need to sieve the flour. I used to, but it seems to make no real difference and life's too short. With a wooden spoon, stir the flour into the melted butter. If there's any butter left over, add more flour.

What you'll end up with is a light-brown-coloured lump in the bottom of the pan. It looks hideous, but that's fine and it's what you should expect. There shouldn't be any excess liquid and when you push the lump around it shouldn't leave a buttery trail. If it does, add a bit more flour and really stir it in.

Once this is done, turn the heat back on to medium. Add a small splash of milk to the pan and, using the wooden spoon, stir it very quickly in to the flour. The milk should sizzle. Mop up any milk using the flour and, once it's gone, add some more. Keep doing this, adding little by little. Do not allow the flour to burn onto the bottom of the pan and keep all the flour moving. Gradually, the flour/butter mix will absorb enough milk to start to turn into the thick white sauce that you need.

Once you've added all the milk, you need to keep the roux moving in the pan for several minutes whilst the texture changes. Keep the bottom of the pan free from stuck-on flour. If you get any, mash it back in on the sides of the pan and keep stirring. This bit is very labour-intensive.

After a while, the texture will change. It'll change from a liquidy texture to something approaching warm golden syrup. You'll be able to see the change beginning because as you stir the ripples on the surface of the roux will move more slowly across the pan. You need the roux to be reasonably thick, so that it retains a good texture and doesn't go separate. When it reaches this texture, turn off the heat.

Quickly add plenty of ground black pepper, a teaspoon or two of Colmans English Mustard powder, and a couple of teaspoons of ground nutmeg. Stir this in well - the mustard in particular has a propensity to clump and few things will bring tears to your eyes more effectively than swallowing a ball of mustard powder.

Now add the grated cheese. I use a strong cheddar and sometimes some Parmesan if I want it to be very strong. Stir the cheese in until it melts, then taste the sauce. It should be punchy. If you can't taste the pepper, nutmeg or mustard you've not added enough. You'll need to decide, though, how strong you like it.

Finally, add a dash of cream and stir in well.

Now, take the cauliflower florets and put them in your serving dish. Cover the florets with the cheese sauce and make sure there's plenty in the bowl, too. You can sprinkle some grated cheese on top to make it brown faster. This will go into the oven for around half an hour. When the top is golden brown and the liquid is starting to froth, it's ready to serve.

As an accompaniment, I suggest home-made garlic bread (see the Carbonara recipe for how to make it). Not being a salad man I'm hard pressed to advise on such fripperies but the Wench insists upon at least some foliage to snack on afterwards.

It seems like an awful lot of work, and, to be fair, it is. However, the roux is a critical skill to master. A good sauce makes a dish, and when I move on to future recipes such as game en croute and Gumbo - both of which will require a roux, you'll see the benefits of learning how to make an easy roux.

Drink with: I don't have any specific recommendations for this dish. Red wine goes pretty well with it (but then it goes well with most things). Choose your poison.

Ease of cooking and preparation: 2/5 - It's tricky to get the roux right, particularly the first few times. It does get easier.

Mess Factor: 3/5 - For the outcome, it's a messy dish. One cheesy saucepan and spoon, one other saucepan, and the serving bowl. As with the Carbonara recipe, dried on cheese is a bugger to get off, so fill the cheese saucepan with hot soapy water as soon as you've taken the sauce out - it will make the cleaning process a bit less painful.

Leftover value: 0/5 - Cold cauliflower cheese. Chunder city.